Tuesday Tell All- If I wasn't me...

Today's tell all topic was listed like this: It would be interesting and valuable to record our "big" dreams for ourselves, what we would want to do if we were living another life, what we wanted to be as a child, what, if we had the time, still secretly think about.

This one wasn't as easy for me as some, because I could write about so many different things, but it was something I could narrow down and it's something I have thought about. So here goes.

I really wouldn't like to trade my life with anyone else, not like I'm saying I'm as arrogant or annoying as Mark Cuban, who has said on record if he died, he'd like to come back as himself, but I could never find a better spouse, kids, parents, in-laws or family if I searched the world over. Period.

But in my life, I have looked at other people and wondered what it would be like to spend a day as them. It usually isn't famous or glamours people I have thought about, though it would be entertaining, but it has seemed to be the lady next to me on an airplane, or someone in a passing car. How different my life could have been if I had been born in another place or time, or had been born to different parents.

When Rich and I visited my brother and sister in law in San Francisco a few years back, we sat next to a young single woman on the cable car. I thought how different my life was compared to hers. She sat alone in a nice suit, holding her dry cleaning in one hand and her keys in the other and hopped off the car into the dark of night headed off to her apartment. Hers was a world filled with business meetings and the cooperate ladder. My life was filled with 3 active little boys, a husband in medical school, preschool carpool and zoo trips in far off Kentucky. Talk about two different universes.

Last week I watched an older Asian woman holding her granddaughter tight on the train in Chicago. How strange it would be to travel each day by bus and train and to be a small child in such a big and busy place. It's the complete opposite of what I know. My mom and I discussed this TTA topic there too. Don't we all ponder what could have been?

No matter what I think, I always end up in the same spot. I know how blessed I am to have been born to goodly parents, to be raised in the LDS faith, have been surrounded by five wild and loving brothers, to have found my soul mate and now be the mother to five extraordinary children. What a good life I have. Yes, there will always be trials, struggles, dissapointments and heartache, but that comes with the price of living, and there is nothing better than love and support from your family to help you through it all.

What make me the happiest is that I am at peace with my own place in life. I don't feel like I'm wishing Rich's residency years away, because I can enjoy every stage of life and find happiness. I was able to see and do so much early in life which was such a blessing and now I can appreciate what I have and can look forward to a bright future. That is heaven on earth in my book.

And now to briefly tackle a few of the other choices.

What I wanted to be when I grew up:

When I was three I would always say I was going to be a ballerina, cheerleader and nurse. Instead of ballet, I took clogging. When I got a bit older, I started gymnastics which did help lead to becoming the cheerleader part, but I was not built to tumble and after many years trying to learn how to do a back handspring, I knew it just wasn't meant to be. I spent three years hoisting girls up in the air instead of bouncing across the floor. As for the nurse part, it didn't last long once I realized I didn't want to spend years taking science classes. I opted for Elementary Education instead and managed to get my BS from BYU without ever taking a calculus or physics class.

When I got into elementary school, I decided I wanted to be an astronaut and I was deeply saddened by Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy. I think I wanted to go to space because of my dad's love for studying it.

In junior high I thought about being a pharmacist and for one brief day told my dad I would be an orthopedic surgeon. Neither were ever going to be in my future.

By high school, I thought teaching school would be a wonderful profession that I could use throughout my life and I was thrilled that I could get my degree before Rich was accepted to medical school.

All along I should have just stuck with the idea of being a mom. It has been by far the most challenging and rewarding job I could ever want and I'm lucky to have it. Everything else that I have accomplished pales in comparison to my life with Rich and our children.

What I thought I would do with my life after high school:

I spent my freshman year of college at BYU-Hawaii which is located on the north shore of Oahu. It was a wonderful year full of early mornings working with lovely Polynesian women in the cafeteria, lazy afternoons on the beach, riding the always late bus, hitch hiking (only a few times!), treating ourselves to shaved ice in Haleiwa and eating rice and pineapple for lunch and dinner every day.

When I got home in April 2006, I felt like I had a plan. I was going to move to Provo and had big dreams. I wanted to work at the Gap (I had applied right after high school and they said no thank you) and wanted to study abroad in London and I was going to date lots of guys since I had only dated a few boys seriously in my life.

Then my life changed on May 10, 2006 when I went out on my first blind date with a fellow named Rich Jackson. Suddenly my path wasn't to straight forward. Soon we were talking about marriage and I was only 19. It felt like I was in a whirlwind. When we looked at dates, I couldn't imagine getting married when my older brother Greg was still on his mission, but he wasn't getting home until July 2007. Soon I had a ring on my finger (Sept. 1) and a wedding date that I was counting down to (April 26). How life is full of surprises!

Things I wish I could do:

While I wouldn't change my life, there are a few things I wish I had been blessed with. First off, I would love to be able to draw. What an amazing gift that would be. Rich's brother Danny is married to Brynn Jackson who, like her father, has the ability to draw. It is a real gift, but one I doubt my own children will inherit from me or their dad. I think that is why I love art so much, because I could never make it myself!

I would love to have a beautiful singing voice. Sure, mine was OK enough to be in A Capella and Madrigals in high school, but I knew the truth. Mr. Keck liked Greg and in turn liked me. I'll be honest, I just got lucky. Some of my favorite memories of high school were singing Christmas songs with the Madrigals at various parities. It was the perfect way to get in the real spirit of Christmas. And after watching Wicked just last week, I would have loved to be able to belt out those songs and sound good doing it!

While I have taught myself how to sew (using the word sewing may be giving myself too much credit) I do wish I was better at it and that I could quilt as beautifully as my Grandma Nance. She has made every granddaughter a quilted bedspread for our wedding present. What a gift of love. I was even more spoiled when I found this fun Mary Engelbreit material and she agreed to help me quilt it. We put it up in her basement and she did 99% of the work. I don't know if I'll ever use it, but I'll treasure it and each stitch she sewed with her love.

I also wish I had a photographic memory. This would be such a handy thing. There are things I love and study, and talk about, but three months later I can't recall names or dates. I wish those things were just locked in forever.

And I wish I could spell, but thankfully this trusty computer has got that one figured out for me. Finally, something that I could fix!

Now you are totally filled in on deep thoughts and secrets from the mind of Cheryl!