One of Trey's dearest best friend's mother passed away this morning after a valiant fight with breast cancer. I knew she had been sick, but was unaware of her illness's severity. My heart broke for sweet Parker. I spent lunch with him on a near weekly basis. He is tall, handsome with bright blue eyes and a shy smile. He is quiet and polite and just the kind of boy you hope your own child would be friends with.Trey had told me earlier in the year that his mom had cancer. I asked about her on a regular basis, but after the courteous 'fine' the subject was dropped. I was unsure how asking made him feel. And yet my mind would wander. I knew she had been in the hospital. I knew she had endured another round of chemotherapy and radiation. I knew this was her second bout with the disease. Was he really alright? How could someone so young deal with something so big? How could a nine year old look the possibility of death straight on and continue unchanged? I know I could not and I am so much older than he.
Then I would think about his mother Paula. How could she go on every day knowing since January that her time her on earth was so limited? How could you imagine your life ending with two children so young and full of promise? Who would love and comfort and care for your babies? Who will help your best friend and husband grieve and move forward? How do you prepare yourself to say goodbye knowing there would be no more swim meets, baseball games, recitals and plays? No dating, driving, graduations, weddings and grandchildren in your future? Those things will come, but you will not be there to share in their joy. My heart aches for her too. Of course I know she is well now after much suffering, but she simply has to wait. Wait through their lives so she can see them again.
My boys are too young to fully understand death. They haven't had to experience it very closely. Their focus has been on where will Parker go after school and who will take care of him. They can only see the ramifications that will affect him now. But I know. I see. I worry. I truly understand. I am a mother.
In young women's on Sunday Brother McQuivey read a moving quote about trials and life. He stated that life is a test. We all agreed to come to this earth knowing that there would be good times and bad, trials and pain and we all agreed on the plan. We said yes knowing our lives could last a few minutes or hours or years.
And while I know that is completely true, I am sure we didn't realize how much we would want to stay once we arrived. How fast times goes by. Just how precious 24 hours can be when it's filled with hugs and kisses and smiles from family. How a few hours with your spouse and children can add up to a lifetime cherished moments.
I am sure if it were me, I would have been pleading to the Lord, begging him for just a little more time. Just let me remain to love, help, teach, nurture, care for my little family for just a bit longer. Wouldn't anyone?
I think how I can get so frustrated when the house is a mess, dinner has taken over the entire kitchen, laundry is piling up, groceries are waiting to be put away, bathrooms need to be cleaned, emails need to be sent, lessons need to be prepared and yet I can't get them checked off because life just keeps throwing a new curve every few minutes.
Then the phone rings and the focus of life is suddenly clear. Everything is black and white. There are a few simple things that matter. The rest can just wait. It never was all that important in the first place. Family, love, memories, scriptures, temple, repentance, testimony, faith, prayer, the Atonement, Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father suddenly stand out from the rest of the bits of life. These things bring peace. They bring comfort. They bring joy. Even when the world begins to cave in on you.
Always.
3 comments:
Thank you for this post. I was just feeling sorry for myself for no reason at all (probably the rainy weather and allergies play a role), but you helped me see the perspective I need to see.
I feel so sad for Parker's loss as well as his family and don't even know them.
You are right that just being a mother we can feel the emotional pain the mother must have gone through. I would be devestated to leave my kids at this early age.
Thanks again, for helping me see. . .
I fell so much heartache for this little family. I was 7 when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. 25 years ago it was much scarier than it is now, but just as you've seen, it still can mean death.
I really thought my mother might die. I am so grateful that she beat it and is still with me. I cannot imagine my life without her.
I will have Parker and his family in my prayers. Thank you for your perspective.
I watched this same process with a little seven year old boy and his Mom that live two doors down from us. It was just heartbreaking. He was devastated and climbed up in her casket to lay by her during the viewing. I cry every time I think about it. He was an only child. His aunts and grandmas live in England. No one can replace a Mom.
His dad has since remarried, but I still want to just hug this little guy every time I see him.
I always think that if I saw that I was going to die, I would be able to talk Heaven out of keeping me. I know it is nicer up there, but Mom's need to be here.
I hope that somehow Trey's little friend will be able to cope and to feel some comfort during the ultimate of tests on a family.
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