Gems of Life

Life in Kentucky is back in full swing. I am playing catch up and it might last awhile. The Christmas decor is down and boxed, but remains in my basement, needing to be arranged and stored away. The house looks tidy, but my bedroom is housing (and hiding) mounds of laundry to be folded, a suitcase needing to be unpacked and random new toys need to be sorted and put away. Yesterday, I spent hours online updating our expired computer security system, upgrading iTunes allowing my new iPod to be recognized, uploaded thousands (yes, thousands) of photographs and have yet to write proper posts of our time with family. My list of things needing to be done still seems to be long.

Rich's welcome home was brief. After two hours of sleep on our last night in Utah, we flew all Friday morning and day and stayed up too late watching the Utes' historic victory over Alabama (truly awesome). He woke at 7:45 AM (5:45 AM to our mountain time zone bodies) for basketball games while the girls and I slept and then began seven straight nights on call. Twelve grueling hours awake at the hospital pouring over films of injured patients from 9 PM to 9 AM. These long shifts are a far cry from our holiday trip home to Utah. Rich is always far more overworked and exhausted that I am. And yet he never complains.

And while life is again full with jobs and tasks here I sit on January 5, 2009. Christmas is now ten days past. Time certainly does not stand still. I still have hard time believing the new year has arrived. I feel like it was just New Years Eve 2007 ushering in 2008.

My life- each year, each month and each day seem to be slipping away. It seems like Christmas was such a blur and suddenly it's January- for good or bad. December is always full of events. You rush here and there and manage to cross off a few things off the 'to do list' at a snail's pace. Each day is filled to the brim.

My lists of needs were long as we prepared for our trip to Utah. After two extremely late nights and little sleep, those tasks were completed and the joy I found in each one was worth missing a bit of time snoozing. I think that is the key to life- to enjoy each moment. You can't get them back.

I have been very aware of this these past few days. Maybe it's January and the idea of embracing change and setting new goals has spurred this in me, but I don't think that is the case. I think it was spending time with loved ones- our parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins and friends that made me realize the true gems of life- the bits worth savoring. It's not the new presents or gadgets. It's not found in the mundane tasks we all do. It's in the people we love. It's our relationships with others. In them we can find real happiness, peace and love.

The boys started school today. The girls and I surprised the boys by joining them for lunch. There is nothing like seeing their faces light up when they spy us in the lunch room. I know it won't be like this forever, so I try to capture their smiles in my mind to hold onto forever. Oh, how I love my children and today, even though I had spent two weeks with them, was a gift in the chaos of life to just be with them there eating spaghetti in the noisy room. No TV, no Nintendo DS or iPods to distract us. Just sitting and chatting and making them feel special.

The past few nights while Rich has been away the boys have come down late at night while I sit on the computer for hugs and kisses. Trey is always animated and full of stories when he should be fast asleep upstairs. Last night he talked and talked and talked and I knew even though he would be tired in the morning, he needed some time to just be heard. He gave me an extra special hug tonight and I knew he felt closer to me since we stayed up together looking at blogs, listening to songs and building our friendship.

Matt ran to the grocery store with Rich on Saturday afternoon. As we cooked dinner, he noticed all the things I was using were things he helped pick out. He felt a sense of pride that he had helped his dad fill our home with items we use everyday. It was wonderful to see how important it made him feel. He also has begun reading chapter books and loves to sit and read aloud to me. I love how he sounds out the words and uses a loud voice when he reads the bits in bold. I am amazed how he is growing up. And yet, at moments I wish I could just freeze him just as he is to enjoy later, when I miss his young spirit and zest for toys, and Star Wars and ice cream and nuggets.

Josh is my teddy bear. He is big. He loves, I mean LOVES food. He loves sports and talking about sports and playing sports. He loves dogs. He is smart and sweet and is easy to please. I love how he knows exactly what he wants to wear to school (sports t-shirt and warm up pants). And he is always a great helper. He is the first to finish his homework, the first to go to bed, the first to pitch in and the first one I call for when I need a hand. I have been trying to reward him for his help and good behavior because I appreciate his easy going nature and love for life. I often wish I could be more like him. Sweet, honest, a hard worker and a friend to all.

While the girls run crazy around the house making messes and eating food in places they shouldn't and stuffing the van full of dolls, and chips and umbrellas and blankets while I clean the kitchen, I have stopped to notice how sweetly they play with each other. How they chat and smile and sing together. How they notice when the other is missing something or needs help with their bags, or dresses or clips. Tonight before I tucked them in bed, Brynn and Kaitlyn put their babies to bed in the dolls cribs and Brynn paused to say a prayer above the toy. She then walked over to Kaitlyn's baby doll and said a prayer for her as well. I was touched to see my babies be such good little mommy's. As they sway and cuddle and pat and caress their doll or when I find them holding each others hands as they walk up the stairs and watch them twirl together in circles around the Christmas tree, my heart is full of love and gratitude for my sweet little girls.

It makes me proud to see how my children are maturing and growing each day and yet tugs at my heart to know my babies are growing up. Yes, you might say I have years to go since they are only 9 and 7 and nearly 3. But I am a mother. Their mother. And I know the truth. These moments are mine now to love and cherish and appreciate. And someday they won't be young. And one day they won't be mine to tuck in bed each night. And while it hurts, it makes me fully realize how lucky I am to be here, to be their mom. And I love the fact that I will always be able to call them my own. President Monson was right when he stated we would miss our little ones. Mine are still small and yet I can sense that one day they will leave and I would give anything to have the chaos and messes and simple life with young children and resident husband back.

So while I had not spent a fleeting moment on goals for 2009, after writing my thoughts down, I know this year I hope to find the jewels of life. To savor each moment, not wasting it in unhappiness, complaining, pity, sadness or regret. It does not make me happy in that moment and it will be time in my precious life wasted. I hope to see the good in myself, others and especially my family. To tell them I love them so often they tire of hearing it. I hope that this year above all other years is the one when I can look back and see I did a good job. I appreciated what I had. I lived life to the fullest. And that might be the best goal I have ever made. Because it blesses me and my family.

So, here's to an unforgettable 2009. Live the moments you want to have. Create memories and share and feel love. That's what I am planning to do. Yup, I know the roller coaster of life brings lots of up and downs, but I am going to enjoy the journey. Every last second. Every last bit. Every. Single. Day. And I know already I will not be disappointed.