The next chapter and random bits of life....

Dark foreboding clouds hung low and seemed to press down upon our little corner of the world.  The sun had been captured by the ominous darkness and the wind quickly moved the blackness towards us.  The thick blanket was ushering in the rain.  It soon fell steadily, beating on the rooftops and tapping on the window screens.  Gloomy.  Dreary.  Gray.

Puffy white clouds rolled along the eastern horizon, billowy and soft. Large and grand they nearly engulfed the blue of the sky.  As the shadows of night stretched, the sun cast her setting glory to the sky, reflecting off the clouds.  It was a brilliant display of light and dark.  Hot and cold.  Day and night. 

As we walked along the sidewalk path, or eyes were drawn upward, towards the heavens.  It was as if angels were hidden behind the clouds, calling attention and singing praises and glory to God.  Michelangelo could not have painted a more perfect masterpiece that what I gazed upon.  It filled my soul with hope and my heart with love.  Those rays of light were a gift to all those who beheld them.

Over the past two weeks, I have thought long and hard about my life.  The reality of our situation.  The unknown future.  The things I can change and those I simply cannot.  I have tried to weigh the good and the bad of each choice.  I have many questions.  But I lack the answers.

As the rain storm approached yesterday, I couldn't help but compare myself the ever changing weather.  At times I am dark and irratable.  I get confused and saddened as I am seemly blown off course with no real direction.  Other times I am indecisive- part doubtful, though still optimistic.  But most of the time I notice the sun.  I see the rays of light.  I feel their warmth.  They give me strength and I have the faith that it all will be fine.  It will all work out, just not on my own time frame. 

That is the beauty of the seasons of this world.  We need the day.  We need the night.  We need the hot.  We need the cold.  We need the sun.  We need the rain.  It is all part of the plan.  It makes our world grow.  It deepens roots.  It makes us wait.  It brings beautiful things to life.

This time in our lives is making me dig a bit deeper.  Making me see beyond that one storm or sunset and realize that there are limitless days ahead.  It is teaching me patience.  It is making me stronger.  It is reminding me that change is an ever constant part of life.  Change stretches us.  It molds us.  It makes us better. 

July 1, 2010  Rich's first day of his new life in Cincinnati. He started his fellowship in Cincinnati later that morning.

Rich started his neuroradiology fellowship in Cincinnati two weeks ago.  His daily routine is up at 5:30 AM, hospital by 6:45 AM, work until 6 PM, dinner at Subway, then home to our rental house that is furnished with one twin bed (on the wood floor), one chair, one laptop, one telephone, one lamp (sans shade) and a large case of toilet paper he uses for a night stand.  One of the toilet handles doesn't flush properly, the master bathroom's lights don't work and Rich admitted one night that the place smelled "old".  (Thankfully these problem are not ours to fix.  The handy man will be by this week to repair the broken items.)  Rich and his brother joke that he is living in our "summer home".  If this were some one's retreat, they'd be sorely disappointed.

I am here, living in Lexington, trying to sell a house to virtually no one.  It is not an ideal setting.  We have had thirteen showings in two months and no offers.  It's not a good time to sell real estate. I like to think it's a bit like fishing in a crowded pond.  There are countless fishermen, dangling their hooks and bait trying to lure that one solitary fish to give you a nibble.  Luck is not on your side and I've never been good a fishing (seriously).  I have always thought we'd be safe when we needed to sell our house.  I though the elementary school and the basement would be enough.  I didn't factor in possibility that the economy would tank, countless people would lose their jobs, loans would be hard to get and people would simply stop spending money and stay put.  The future is grim, but I am hopeful that there are a few folks out there that still need to buy a home in the very near future.

Rich is up in Cincy for the work week, but has been able to come home on Friday night and stay until Sunday evening.  We all live for the weekends.  Except this coming Saturday he is on call, so we'll get him for 24 hours.  Six days this week, six days the coming weeks and I get 24 hours.  See why I sometimes feel like that raging storm?  It's not easy giving him up like that.

We have thought about our future and have discussed our plans, thus giving Rich a vague picture to how long his solitary living might last.  The plan is to move around the last part of July/ first of August whether the house sells or not.  Which causes more problems.  You can't leave a house empty, so we'll have to move twice.  We'll leave behind couches and tables and beds with the hope it will help it sell.  We'll hire movers for the first round  to get all the heavy and impossible things to move (piano, washer/dryer on the 2nd floor, fridge in the basement) and then do a smaller U-haul run the second go around when it sells.  Sounds crazy, right?  It is.

Even if we move to Cincinnati, the stark fact remains that if we leave a house here in Lexington, we still have to pay the mortgage, leave the utilities on, keep the furniture dusted, and make sure the yard is neat and tidy.  There will always be a worry about leaving it unattended for a week or more at a time.  Plus, I can think of far better things to do that drive for three plus hours round trip to come back here and dig weeds.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Lexington, but our time here is spent and it would be better if we could cut the strings and move on, allowing us come back for enjoyable activities, not to dust cobwebs and edge the lawn.

We really are trying to get the house sold.  We have dropped the price $5,000 and I'm calling the realtor tomorrow to drop it another $5,000.  Hopefully we can grab one of those undecided people and get them to buy it before the school year begins.  I truly hope we can, but I'm not holding my breath.  We will lose money on this house, but we are so much better off that others who have lost their home in foreclosure or who's houses value is now less that what they paid.   We are blessed to not be in their shoes.

The kids have mixed feelings about moving.  They have known it is coming, but when we started talking actual dates, a few tears were shed.  They love their friends, the school, the pool.  But they know that Cincinnati will be another adventure and one we can enjoy all together as a family.  It's a fun city and I know by the end, we'll have crisscrossed it and found all the exciting places it offers.

But not all is gloom and doom.  Our lives are full.  We keep busy.  We are happy.  The kids are enjoying summer.  Rich is learning more each day and surrounded by a wonderful group of attending doctors.  Zach is growing like a weed.  Trey's lost five teeth in one month.  I swear he's nearly down to the front four and back molars with bits of new teeth popping through in between.  The girls are emerging swimmers.  I have read some great books (loving the Fablehaven series, esp. book 4).  The boys are still enamored with all their new birthday toys, games and gifts.   We trying to eat up our freezer's contents.  This summer we had more fireflies that ever before.  We have a sweet cardinal that roams in the neighborhood and tweets his call for all to hear. 

The boys are looking forward to going to UK's Coach Calipari's All Pro Camp at the end of July.  John Wall and Big Cuz (DeMarcus Cousins) will be returning to Lexington to help with the camp.  They are stoked that the #1 and #4 2010 NBA draft picks will be there helping them improve their game. 

We spent an afternoon last week at Kid's Place in their indoor adventure playground and used two passes Trey had earned at school for getting good grades.  We played games, collected tickets and looked like monkeys on their huge rope "Mountain Climb". 

We are daily visitors to our favorite McDonald's drive thru.  49 cent cones and caffeine free Diet Coke keep us coming back.  In fact, one of the workers wished me a Happy Mother's Day a few months back, introduced herself to Rich when he came with us one night, commented that they had missed us when our car was out of service and we hadn't come by in a while and noticed that we got a new car.  Yikes!

The boys wrapped up their swim tonight.  They had another undefeated season.  At their last and final meet (excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye...) Trey swam 5 events, Josh swam 4 (breaststroke for the first time) and Matt swam three.  I marvel at how much they have progressed over the five summers we have spent at the Pinnacle Pool.  We have the pep rally on Friday and will pick up their trophies on Sunday night.  Wednesday swim meets are a highlight of our summers, which is saying a lot since they are often HOT and LONG (last night was 95 degrees, 95% humidity and we were there from 4:45 PM until 9:15 PM).  The boys will especially miss the Thursday freeswim, ribbons and the Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  I will miss the camaraderie of the team and watching the boys swim and compete. 

While Rich is away my kids keep me smiling.  I had a good laugh from Kaitlyn the other day. We were discussing her primary class and I told her I would LOVE to be her primary teacher in our new ward. She told me all I needed to do was go to "teacher dot com" and sign up and then they would make me her teacher. I loved the "dot com" bit.

Sweet Zach is one month away from his first birthday.  I can't get over how fast it has passed.  He is almost walking, but doesn't need to when he can crawl as fast as he does.  I finally succeeded in helping him understand the need to turn around when going down the stairs.  Yeah, he turns around now, but safely progressing down the stairs is still a work in progress.  He has seven teeth, loves all food and learned how to push in bottle tops and dump the contents on himself.  Nice trick.  I think I'll only give him bottle when I feed him before bed.  Every night I snuggle him on my bed as he drinks his bottle and he rubs my hands and I smell his hair.  I know how much I needed him.  I call him "My Baby", because he is my last little one.  The little guy I knew I had to have.  Last night after a long night of swim, we laid curled up in bed and half dazed, he sat up, got on all fours, looked at me then flopped on the bed like a tranquilized elephant.  I laughed out loud.  He keeps me smiling.  He's my cuddle bug.  He had his first fever two nights ago and as I held his hot body and prayed that he'd be alright I knew my life would never had been complete without him in it.

Besides the humdrum of our day to day life, I have my fingers crossed that we can do something fun together as a family in August.  Rich asked for a week off in early August.  We had hoped to go to Utah, but ticket prices were ridiculously high so we nixed that idea.  Instead, I think (if we can get moved and settled first) we might drive to Washington D.C. and spend a week there.  Yes it will be crazy hot, but so is Kentucky.  Yes, the kids are a bit young, but ours enjoy museums and function well when traveling.  I have not been to D.C. since I was 12 and we haven't been on a trip for 5 years (besides jaunts back home to Utah), so I really, really, really hope we can swing it.  It's great to have something to look forwards to and cling to as we pack up and move to a new place.

We are slowly saying goodbye to the ward, which is hard because it's been like a huge extended family. We baptized our boys here. We welcomed a baby here. Members have rushed to our aid to give blessings, lend a helping hand and many will be life long friends. It will be difficult to truly say goodbye. We were released from our church callings. Josh and Matt's sweet primary teacher, Sister Sakamaki, took them, Trey and two other class member to Steak & Shake this week for a farewell lunch. (I just about died when Trey said he ordered the triple burger and the Sakamaki's paid for it all. At least he said they all ate every last bite.) We simply cannot say enough good about the Tates Creek Ward.

All in all, I am holding up well, but I am concerned about one thing.  In all this craziness my mind seems to be losing a few brain cells. A few weeks ago, I realized I was missing Zach's blue pirate swim hat. I checked the lost and found at the pool. I looked on Gymboree to see if I could buy a replacement. I pulled up eBay to see if there were any on sale. I even checked the store in the mall to see if they still had them in stock. None could be found. Not one single choice.  Then, while I was looking through older pictures, I saw one of Zach at the pool wearing his blue pirate swim suit, pirate rash guard and on his hat was a plain blue hat. Huh? Where was the pirate one I was eager to find? Only then and there did it dawn on me that there never was the hat I had envisioned. Yes, I have a brown pirate hat. I have a red and blue crab one too. But the pirate outfit uses his plain blue hat from Old Navy. I am losing my mind. Scary thought.

Lastly, I have to give a shout out to my brothers. My brother Kurt will travel to India today to work with a team from BYU on various health related project. Oh the things one must do nowadays to get into medical school. Congrats to Jeff on beginning his third year of medical school and ROCKIN' the Step One board exam. We are thrilled for you. Brad keeps on plugging away being an intern and experiencing life as a first year resident. If you can live through your intern year, you can live through just about anything. Rhett received his endowments a few weeks ago in the Mt. Timpanogos temple, had a fun last fling with the family at Disneyland last week and is looking forward to his mission to Ecuador and entering the MTC in September. Greg just took a new job a few weeks ago I am excited to hear more about it. Life is rich and full for them as well.

I had better wrap this up.  The night is dark.  The house is quiet and if I don't get to bed, I'll be regretting it when Zach is up early. 

Life is good.  It WILL all work out.  I just need to see the light and focus on the big picture.  All these little things are just stepping stones on the pathway called Life.