Life

Homeward bound

I wish I was

Homeward bound

Home, where my thought's escaping

Home, where my music's playing

Home, where my love lies waiting

Silently for me

Rich left for Utah early Thursday morning. As we all piled into the van at 5 AM to take him to the Blue Grass Airport, I couldn't help but hum one of my favorite Simon & Garfunkel songs Homeward Bound. The melody, the sweet sentiment of longing and far away love fit my mood perfectly. Rich was heading home, for all of 72 hours. He was in pursuit of a possible job opportunity and we both were anxious to get answers.

While I would be lying if I said a trip to Utah didn't sound like a pleasurable experience, as for the actual flying across the country bit, I wasn't jealous. Travel isn't quite up my alley right now being pregnant and all, and a six hour trek with all the kids is never an easy task. It wasn't like I was ready to hop on the plane and tag along, but I always miss him when he is away. His month in D.C. wasn't without drama (on my part), so this little three day trip didn't bring an ounce of anxiety, but I never like saying goodbye. Even for a brief three days. Yes, I wouldn't have to cook (and I haven't) and my conscience wouldn't be nagging at me to get the laundry folded and the floor picked up by 7 PM when Rich is usually coming home, but I always look forward to his return. You would think after eight plus years of medical training with variable and often chaotic hours, I would be used to being alone. And I am. But when he's further away than the hospital, I start to count down to his arrival instead of just patiently waiting for it.

The fact he was heading home was a bit of a surprise. Two weeks ago, Rich received a call from a radiologist in a group in Utah County. With all the uncertainly of the future of medicine, the tax increase coming in 2010 and billions of dollars lost in the stock market, this is a difficult time to gauge what the future job market will look like. The doctor, whom Rich has known for years, advised Rich to come out sooner than later. Before you knew it Rich secured two interview days off, booked a ticket and was soon there to see what they had to say in person. While it is a bit early to be on the job hunt with a fellowship in his future, I always say knowledge is power, so lets get the facts so we can plan. It never hurts to be prepared.

After years and years of being away, the thought of possibly moving home is a bit surreal. Sure, we have another year of residency at UK and are still in the process of narrowing down a fellowship spot, but to think that one day we might actually say goodbye to the Commonwealth permanently, well, still is impossible to fathom. And I know that while the years click down, the day will come slowly and too fast at the same time.

While he has been gone, I have continued to sing the tune. As is always the case, I start thinking while the tune slips from my lips. And as my mind wanders, I knew perfectly well that Kentucky is our home too. It is where we will have spent a decade of our lives. It is where we have raised our children. It is where the girls and this soon to be baby boy will always say they were born. It's full of memories and smiles and friendships that will last a lifetime and beyond. And knowing that, made me see how the lyrics could fit Kentucky as well as Utah. It will be a time I cherish, hold dear and maybe even long for, for there is much to love here.

Goodbyes are bitter for they bring change. And we all know change isn't easy. Brief goodbyes like Rich's trip are like a tiny cut that heal quickly. But goodbyes that last forever are the ones that sting and often leave scars. But with each glance at that little white line in your skin, you remember back. I think that is what saying goodbye to Kentucky will be like- a deep wound that will heal with time, but still remain forever and always easy to recall. I'll remember the crazy days of 3 boys under 2. The sweat and struggle through Step 1 and 2 boards. The inhuman 100 plus hour work weeks Rich's general surgery internship demanded. The ice storms, the week without power and the dreaded blare of the tornado siren. And I'll never forget being on bed rest with the girls and this new little one inside. I'll remember Life.

But even more that just Life, I'll remember the good. And man, there's been so much. I will always remember driving through our neighborhood videotaping our new city so I could make VCR tapes and mail them back to our parents. I'll think of our trips to Hountz Lane park to play in the stream and collect rocks. The lazy, muggy days hiding in the shade of the trees chatting with friends while the boys ran around the Louisville Zoo's playground. The splash of water as the kids dumped their buckets of water back into the water table at the science center. My wavy hair damp from the moisture in the summer air. I'll think of the roar of the crowd at Kentucky Derby 134. See the glow from the fireworks lighting our faces in the darkness as Thunder Over Louisville illuminated the skyline. I'll miss the whistle call of a beloved Cardinal in our yard. Breathing in the smell of hamburgers and hot dogs drifting to the stands while I watch the boys play SEBB baseball. I will recall the brilliant spring colors and flowers in late March. The sound of sideways falling rain against the windows when the heavens opened up and literally poured buckets to the earth below. The lush green rolling hills lined with black fences and dotted with horses. The smiling faces of friends surrounding our kitchen table into the wee hours of the night and the laughter that abound. School programs, YMCA soccer and t-ball, swim team meets, neighborhood baseball in the middle of the cul-de-sac, Graeter's Ice Cream, Derby Pie, Louisville Stoneware. And on and on and on....

Sweet and sorrow will accompany Rich's final days of his schooling. We all will have a heavy heart when the last text book is closed, because we will say goodbye to a large chapter in our Book of Life. And you never know where the story will then take you.

While a job opportunity in Utah looks very promising and probable, I know it with certainty our days here in Kentucky are priceless, just like our growing up years in Utah. And no matter where Home ultimately is, we have been blessed to call both places Ours.