Sunsets

December 24, 2009 Utah County

Every night when the sun sets, I realize how fleeting time is. 24 hours. The length of day never varies. And yet, when the day draws to a close, if often feels like the moments were but seconds and I'm often not ready to say goodbye to another piece of my life.

Yes, there are the endless lists that rarely get fully crossed off, chores waiting to be redone and tasks that have to be put off until tomorrow. Homework must get signed and checked and lunches are packed and placed by the pile of coats and backpacks ready to be hastily carted off the next morning. It's an endless cycle of busy and at times seems like a treadmill I can't get off. Those are the simple, daily things life brings to us all.

But those are not the things I think of when I watch the radiant sun set over a snowy field or over a lush green grassy hill. They are not what my mind goes over and over as I see the brilliant glorious light streaming through the clouds, changing the sky into a swirl of color, which takes my breath away.

My sunsets have one focus- they bring to mind the things that are close to my heart. The people I love. The ones I get to share the sunsets of life.

They are my children, who are growing like a magic bean stalk- small one day, big the next. The days are ticking by, turning into months, passing into years and I often get a glimpse of what is to come- my children won't be under my roof forever. My weekly school lunch dates are limited and are not infinite as I would hope they could be. I only have years until they venture out into the world for college or missions. I wish I had a lifetime to prepare them. I know I will always be their mother, but it won't always be like it is now. I won't be there to hug every hurt, heal every wound, talk through every problem.

I hope that they know what I think about as the sun sets. Do they now how proud I am to be their mother? How much I pray for them. Love them. Hurt when they hurt. How they teach me patience. How them humble me. Bless me. Stress me. Do they believe me when I say the sky's the limit, if they dream big and work hard? Can they see how they make my life rich, joyous and happy? I hope when they are grown, they remember the special time spent together, having fun and laughing and not just recall the times when life got hectic, crazy and their mother got frustrated and mad. I hope they know. I hope they understand. I hope they realize that their successes are my success. I hope when they walk out into that big scary world, they can see themselves through my eyes. That they can have the confidence and strength to make the right choice. I hope they see the vision I had, the one where hard work, honesty and striving to fulfill your dreams turn into that happily ever after.

Life is hard for everyone and sometimes I feel like too many of my sunsets have passed, and I haven't enjoyed them enough.

My tiny babe is 19 pounds, rolling over, eating rice cereal and is ticklish to the touch.

My girls are Sunbeams. They hold hands in the parking lot and actually pick up toys when asked.

Josh and Matt are nearly nine and Trey is well into ten.

Where are my tiny baby boys I snuggled in Louisville?

Where are my baby girls I rocked to sleep in Lexington?

Where are my years going?

Too quickly, I'd say.

That's life for you. Day after day, adding up to a lifetime full of moments and memories. These become the very essence of what we are, what shaped us and molded us into who we've become.

I pray for many more sunsets, many more years to grow as a person, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I hope I can help my children see the beauty of life, the power of goodness and the blessing of family. I hope that when I look back at the end that I focused on the good, didn't dwell on the bad and helped others along the way. That I always can see the sunsets for what they truly are- an introduction to a new dawn and new day.